Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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