i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Randomize
