just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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