she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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