What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
