i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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