I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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