so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How's work?
Spinning.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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