that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
