i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
