all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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