3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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