I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
operation have a gay friend backfired
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
