i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
