end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Drunk is not a location!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
