god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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