Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
