I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
