I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
