Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
That's when you crack a 10am beer
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
