Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
