I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
