he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
