i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
