I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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