If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well I just put wine in my tea
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
