After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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