I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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