we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My boob is missing a layer of skin
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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