Got a toothbrush?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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