I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
