My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
