It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
