how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
