Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
