I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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