Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
