A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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