There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
