No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
