yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
