Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
