Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
