12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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