I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize