I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
