ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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