How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
