Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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