Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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