So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
