I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
