you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
