The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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