guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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