We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
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You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
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I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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