while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
