We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
