i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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