Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
