I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
