so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
