if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
