you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize