I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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