ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
