guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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