I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
