When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
