cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
