Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
