I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
