I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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