Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
