hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
