i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
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You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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