so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
