Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
