dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
