Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
